Open Sourcing Mental Illness

Mental health resources and articles for the developer community. Curated by Ed Finkler.
But part of it is also understanding that I will sometimes slip, as we all do, and that is okay. I want to share my story because I want people to know these things don’t all have bad endings, that there are happy people out there with a history of such things, that body image issues are real and alive, that respecting yourself is so important to lasting mental health…
Most recently I went through a claustrophobic and dark winter where it took all of my strength to just keep plodding through day by day. A cold and gloomy winter, frustration about my job, stalled projects, constant lack of sleep and adjusting to living without 20 doses of nicotine a day all wore on my soul and sapped my energy.
The insidious thing about depression is that it takes determination and energy to beat it, but like an emotional infection it targets all the energy and determination you have. In a twist of dark irony, depression seems to specifically weaken the tools you need to stand up to it – your relationships, your ambition, your sense of humor.
So what do you when you’re at work sitting in front of a computer trying and failing to concentrate on the code in front of you? What if even the most straightforward requirements seem like impenetrable nests of complications and edge cases to your tired mind?
The only criticism I have of the post is that it does a bit of cure evangelism, advocating that medication should be your first choice — as opposed to saying “this is what worked for me.” The comments are much worse in this regard (“Skip the drugs”), but as usual, don’t read the comments.
Everyone’s path to wellness is different. This isn’t Python: there is no One True Way to mental health.
“I was very nervous about coming out as anxious,” Stossel says. “And now it’s too late and I can’t un-come out. It hasn’t been a cure, but it has been something of a relief. I now feel there are practical things I can help with, like trying to reduce the stigma around anxiety.”
He says we ought to view anxiety less as a “psychological problem” and more like a “medical condition, in the way gout or diabetes is. These are things that need to be managed and treated, and have an organic basis. It’s not necessarily that you are weak, but that you have an illness.”
Yet while we understand how our modern diet is making gout and diabetes more common, the causes of anxiety are more mysterious.
Why yes, we do have a Facebook page now. Perhaps you would see fit to “like” it, as the kids say.
It’s been quite a while, but I wanted to give everyone an update on Open Sourcing Mental Illness.
I’ve recorded nearly all of the talks I’ve given as video or audio. All the recordings are available at the OSMI page on my web site, so you can watch each one and share it (everything is CC-licensed). I think the latest one I gave at the Seattle PHP Users Group was particularly good.
I’ve started a new site, OSMIhelp.org, where I am posting articles and resources about mental health for developers and tech types. You can keep up with it here:
Next week at php[tek] I will be part of a Mental Health Summit event, along with Greg Bauges, Ben Marks, and Paddy Foran. I am super excited, and I hope that you’ll attend.
Because of your contributions, I was able to give the talk several times throughout 2013. Since then, Engine Yard has been covering my travel and lodging expenses for other speaking engagements, as part of their Prompt campaign. I would not be able to still be giving these talks without their help.
If you’re interested in having me speak at a conference, user group, or workplace, let me know! Email me at .
Thank you so much for your support.
Sad Desk Lunch is a public health hazard
I usually work through lunch (although I usually skip lunch, which is probably not great for me physically or emotionally, either). I know that eating together is super fun for me, though, and I need to do that more.
[Let me start this piece with a caveat: This is not a #slatepitches-style article arguing that Impostor Syndrome is a good thing or that people with it are better off keeping it. It has profound negative effects and plays very neatly into the self-defeating internal narratives that major depression can give you. Depressives in particular don’t need another excuse to tell themselves they suck; most of us are really good at that already. Read this first if you need to learn about Impostor Syndrome, the harm it can do, and how to start overcoming it.]
At the last DCPHP meeting, Sean Prunka talked about Impostor Syndrome during his talk on dealing with distractions. At the end, I asked the group how many suffered from it, and the vast majority of hands went up. So clearly, a lot of the type of programmers who read blogs and go to user group meetings are the type who also think they’re a misstep away from being “found out” as not really deserving of the position/title/place they hold.
It got me thinking about why really good programmers paradoxically suffer from the feeling that they are the really crappy ones and have gotten where they are by sheer luck. Knowing that many programmers who give talks nonetheless feel like frauds gave me some new things to listen for, and I think I’ve distilled some good habits that shouldn’t go away with the crippling and unrealistic self-doubt as you fight these feelings within yourself.
There is some evidence that depressives perceive things (apart from themselves and their own worth) more clearly than those who don’t suffer from the disease. (The theory is called Depressive Realism.) Similarly, self-doubt can give programmers some good habits of mind along with the bad habits that make it a problem. Here are some I think are related to my impostor syndrome:
Pessimistic estimation: If you assume you don’t know what you’re doing, you tend not to assume everything will go well as you attempt any task. In my case, it’s made me a better est